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, by Judy Corcoran Julie A. Ross
Free Download , by Judy Corcoran Julie A. Ross
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Product details
File Size: 668 KB
Print Length: 305 pages
Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin; 2 edition (August 2, 2011)
Publication Date: August 2, 2011
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B005G48XCM
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#64,052 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
In the very beginning introduction it basically says it's not a book for working with anyone that is psychologically a real jerk. I've read through it, it's good advice, but waiting on a book to actually deal with a psychopath.
I expected a bit more from the book. It's very mainstream and I do understand that every situation is unique, however it really just discussed how to treat a person that can be influenced by attitude not the ones that have narcissistic tendencies, which is what I was hoping for. If you just deal with someone with a bad attitude then this may just be the book for you. If you are dealing with an ex with personality disorders this might not be in depth enough. It wasn't for me.
The authors do a good job of providing ideas and self-reflection on how to work with a "jerk" former spouse. This may be good for 70% of people in divorces. I didn't give 5 stars because about 30% of parents who divorce, are in a high conflict divorce that from a spouse who has a mental illness.Long accepted research indicates that about 10% of the adult population has a narcissistic or borderline personality disorder, or both. I have empathy for these people, they did not ask to have a personality disorder, and they suffer from it. You can probably reflect on what you know about your ex-spouse's childhood and their current family relationships to recognize the possible causes for their disorder and validate that they have one.Since it is inherent with both disorders there is a lack of self-insight to recognize that there is something wrong with them, they never see a need to seek treatment - so they never great "better". With both disorders, they have an underlying core belief of personal inadequacy and anticipated abandonment - which scares them deeply and drives their insidious behavior with the children.Also unfortunate is that in a divorce situation, their personality disorder prevents them from any ability to recognize the that their child's own mental health will be severely damaged if the other parent is prevented from having a normal parenting role in their life - or worse, the child is manipulated to fear and hate the other parent. The narcissistic/borderline parent is driven by their own core fear and will do ANYTHING to prevent the child from having ANY relationship with the other parent, including lying to the child, lying to courts, and manipulating the child to hate the other parent. The common term for this is parental alienation. Search "parental alienation" on Amazon and you will see 250+ books. Many books focus on describing what parental alienation is and how that parent does it. I recommend 2 books that include the critical guidance on steps you can take to reduce / prevent parental alienation, they are by authors Amy J. L. Baker, PhD and Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD. and Joan Kloth-Zanard. Act quickly by getting educated and stopping the alienation before it gets to deeply ingrained in their highly susceptible brains. Your children need you to act right now to buy and read those books and/or research parental alienation online and on YouTube. You are likely exhausted by the challenges of divorce and money is tighter than ever, but the EFFORT and financial investments you make now (in a lawyer who specializes in parental alienation - they are rare, test them on their experience and knowledge), will save you huge money and heartache (for you and your kids) in the long run. Good luck.
Being in the midst of a contentious divorce with an angry spouse is hard, and dealing with unreasonable people can sometimes result in EVERYone being unreasonable and nothing getting solved. This book offers not only good advice but real-life solutions and strategies you can actually use and apply in/to ALL relationships to resolve conflicts. Fair warning - you may find out you, too, are being the jerk. The Problem Pyramid is FABULOUS. I read this book and "Putting Children First" as soon as I saw trouble on the horizon, and while both were useful, in my opinion this one struck the best balance.
Some of the examples seem silly, but then, some real life scenarios probably seem silly to outsiders as well. They do a good job of putting into perspective the importance (or lack) of issues and how to refocus your emotions. Not a titillating read, but a useful one if you are dealing with a high conflict co-parenting situation.
This book is amazing, I highly recommend this for anyone who has shared parenting with an uncooperative Jerk. This book came as a suggestion from the court during the implementation of our parenting plan. Its unfortunate that anyone would even need this book, but if your co parent adversary is a jerk like mine you can really learn a lot from this book.
Very good book about keeping your own mess clean. She emphasizes to recognize who's problem and only working to resolve your problems or the problems that directly relate to you.There is little to no legal advice in here, but it doesn't have skills to counteract the challenging people in our lives.
Pretty good but if you are dealing with a crazy person it's not as helpful. They should write one for dealing with people who intentionally do the wrong thing.
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